I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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