your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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