as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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