we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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