Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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