Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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