he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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