if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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