you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
