I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
