I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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