just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
