I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
