There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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