it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
