I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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