I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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