No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize