you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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