life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize