There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
