I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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