Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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