I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
