I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
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