then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Text me some of your sweat
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
