ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
