You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Who died my cat blue again?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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