Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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