sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
