Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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