I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
