We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
