her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
