He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
