I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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