I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
