forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
