I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
