you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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