i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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