I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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