He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
