Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
