first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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