A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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