You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
