It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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