My room smells like vodka and shame
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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