I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
