I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think i have two assholes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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