Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
