I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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