We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
