Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
