Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
