anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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