P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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