I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
