On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
