He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
