it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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