Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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