At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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